


Housewarming

by mozarteffect



Series: Vegeta's Guide to Relationships [1]
Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Awkward Tension, Edging, F/M, God how do I even begin to explain this, I would class it more as the worst dirty talk ever, Oblivious Yearning, Oral Sex, Set in the 3 Year Gap but not about it, Some OOC, Sort Of, Vegeta is a prude don't @ me, Very light dirty talk, but like that's only because I'm writing it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-10-03
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:27:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26198602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mozarteffect/pseuds/mozarteffect
Summary: Predictable scenario: Vegeta won't rest for his own health. Bulma wants him to.Unpredictable scenario: Bulma takes matters into her own hands so Vegeta doesn't even think about going back to training so soon.
Relationships: Bulma Briefs & Vegeta, Bulma Briefs/Vegeta
Series: Vegeta's Guide to Relationships [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1913092
Comments: 15
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was a goofy idea I came up with because I thought it'd be fun to write.
> 
> It kinda was, I mean, I expect I won't write anything like this again because it's Way Outside My Genre and interest, but what the hell try anything once.
> 
> **Do not continue any further if you are under the age of 18, this features explicit sexual content.**

He felt like he had woken up here before, the sterile white room of the infirmary. Vegeta cursed his poor luck when he realized that, indeed, he _was_ in the infirmary of one of Capsule Corp's adjunct buildings, _again_ helplessly wrapped up in bandages. He turned his head to confirm--yes--there was Bulma again, asleep at the desk nearby. "Dammit," he hissed, now cursing _her_ for acting like she cared in addition to his poor luck.

She stirred, causing him to freeze in place and squeeze his eyes shut, hoping perhaps she would leave. A strange action for him to take, he would admit, usually Vegeta couldn't care less if she knew he was awake. He would simply say with his trademark charming bluntness that he was getting up and going back to training regardless of his injuries! Maybe, _maybe_ this time she would just leave.

Vegeta hadn't counted on the machine still hooked up to him monitoring his heart rate clearly indicating his heart speeding up as she approached.

 _Dammit!_ Vegeta cursed himself in varied and colorful ways while Bulma lightly tapped on his chest.

"Hey, I know you're awake, tough guy. Quit being cute."

"I am not _CUTE_!" he automatically snarled, eyes popping open and his body sitting up--too fast, it turned out, he wheezed in pain, clutching at his burning ribs. "Dammit..."

"Dork," Bulma sighed, dutifully taking off some of the more cumbersome tubes to free up his movement. "You're lucky it wasn't as bad this time."

Her smirk told him she wanted to make a catheter joke. His glare told her she had better not.

" _You're_ lucky I've deigned to be merciful to you despite your constant insolence!" he retorted. "If we were--"

"--On your planet, I would be punished for my insolence, yeah yeah yeah," Bulma sighed, leaning over him to turn off the heart monitor.

He sort of wished she hadn't done that, since it put her chest right in his face. Vegeta gulped, trying to be polite about it and looking away--realized instead he was now looking down the curve of her back, hugged by the pink dress she was wearing, to her backside. _Oh, geez,_ he thought frantically now trying to divert his thoughts away from how enticing her body was. _What the hell is the matter with me?! This is wholly improper!_ And what the hell was the matter with _her_ , for that matter, why was she so comfortable getting close to him like that?!

Bulma pulled back, rolling her shoulders casually and stretching to work out any kinks she had gotten from sleeping at the desk. "Humor me, would you? It's going to be another two days before the next crop of beans are ready, can you rest until then?"

"No," Vegeta snapped back, stubbornly crossing his arms with a _harumph_ to divert his attention away from crazy thoughts like wanting to reach out and touch her. "I _must_ go back to my training, you can't keep me here!"

She stared at him for a long moment, as though considering something; he _knew_ it had to be something he would object to since a grin stretched across her face. She usually got that look when she was thinking of something particularly devious, an odd detail that he already had noted about her even in the short year (and a half) he had been staying at Capsule Corp. "Really..." Bulma said, her tone playful, her hand reaching up to play with the thin strap of her dress. "You want to play like that, Badman?"

 _What is she doing,_ Vegeta thought with alarm, watching her warily. He found himself pressing his back against the wall behind the infirmary bed, shrinking back while she leaned forward and...

Placed.

Her hands.

On either side of him.

Bulma swung her legs over to straddle him, now running her hands over his bare torso, playing with the divots his muscles made and giggling at the small twitches and shudders her touch created.

"Wh-what are you..." Vegeta squeaked, frozen in place, trying not to bring awareness to himself about the barrier of cloth between them being the only thing separating their... _oh gods._

"Tell me to stop, and I will," her voice dropped to a husky lilt, she leaned forward to lightly touch his neck with her lips, trailing her tongue with similar light touches over to the prominence of his larynx.

The proud Saiyan prince sucked in a sharp breath, squirming to fight off the tingling sensation her touches evoked whilst he felt himself growing warmer and warmer. "Ahhh...f...fffuuu..."

 _Tell her to stop!_ his thoughts protested. _You can't let a distraction like this delay your training!_

"...Do your worst," Vegeta found himself growling instead, now aware of his hips canting up to rub against her groin. "Unless you're all talk?"

 _...What?! What?!_ the small bit of logic that remained in control screamed at him. Yet, he couldn't bring himself to acknowledge that when he looked at the vulgar woman on top of him and the lustful gaze she was giving. Though his knowledge of women was extremely limited, something in his instincts told him without a doubt that was a look of interest and desire. He watched her smooth her hands up and down his chest, over his abdomen, lightly teasing at but not quite reaching the hem of his shorts with every pass.

(It never even occurred to him--though it should have--that she was with that other man, _technically_. Was this not him being a homewrecker? Purposefully? They shouldn't be doing this, he was a lot of things but not a--)

Bulma replaced her hands with her lips, kissing down to his navel and finally, _finally_ pulling on the waistband to pull out his cock. Her eyes moved back up to him again, a coy smile on her face while she with aggravating gentleness brushed her fingers up and down his shaft. " _Somebody's_ happy to see me," she giggled.

"Yeah," Vegeta found himself saying instead of some offended comment about what a vulgar woman she was. What the hell? Was this really happening? It felt...so good. "Stop playing with me, put it in your mouth."

 _What the hell?_ He never said crass things like that! Was the shuddering feeling of pleasure coursing through his body at her touch _really_ that influential?

"You wanna fuck my throat, Vegeta?" Bulma's tongue darted out to lap at the head of his cock before he could even respond to such a--a--

He suppressed a whimper, pushing his hips up again to get closer to her mouth. "Do it, blasted woma-- _ahhhh_!" Vegeta _couldn't_ suppress the cry when she blew on the spot she had just licked. "Oh fuck...oh fuck..."

(He didn't usually curse so much!)

"So sensitive," Bulma said with a smile as she finally-- _finally_ \--obliged his silent plea and--

Vegeta's vision darkened, tunneled, his eyes rolled back in his head at the sensation of the warm, wet feeling of her mouth surrounding his cock. He had no clue-- _none whatsoever_ \--that such an incredible feeling could exist in the universe, all thoughts of training or ascending or even defeating Kakarot fled from his mind. He wasn't sure if he was speaking coherent words then through his helpless moans, there might have been encouragement in his sounds of pleasure, whispered bits of her name followed by "yes, yes, _gods yes."_

All too soon, she pulled away, right before the precipice of his climax was approached. The pressure building in him abated with a whimper he couldn't hold back. Bulma sat back, pulling up her dress over her hips and stripping it off, Vegeta's vision was blurred yet he could still see her curvaceous body. He felt himself lick his lips at the sight--possessed by an abnormal desire to taste her. "Take it off," he demanded, not sure what "it" was he was referring to.

"Rip it," Bulma retorted with a mischievous smirk that Vegeta found himself mirroring.

So he did, reaching up and ripping that odd contraption she called a bra right down the middle and tossing it aside, unable to resist his impulse to cup her now-exposed breasts. Why hadn't he realized how...fascinating they were before? They were so soft and the little noises she made as he rolled her nipples between his fingers were driving him crazy.

(Come to think of it, how did he know what he was doing? Was it purely his curiosity or some instinct he hadn't realized existed?)

Bulma moaned appreciatively, leaning forward and rubbing her panty-clad crotch against his cock. He sucked in a hissing breath through his teeth at the sensation, wanting very much for her to take off the damn thing and stop edging him. "You vulgar woman," he groaned, "You're really asking for me to fuck you, aren't you?"

"Mmm...yes, I want you, Vegeta."

"Say it again," Vegeta demanded, now gripping her hips, still mindful of how much force to apply despite his lust-induced haze. "Say it again, Bulma. Say you want me."

She bit her lip, a motion he found himself weirdly fascinated by, dipping her fingers into her panties for a moment. "Vegeta...my prince...I want you to fuck me."

Such a tease, _still_. Her little movements and words were _doing_ things to him that he couldn't comprehend, making him act in ways he had no idea he was capable of before. He grasped her by her wrist, pulling her hand forward to lick the tips of her fingers, tasting the sweetness there. He growled in satisfaction, using his free hand to reach out and rip away her panties. "Sit on my cock, princess, ride me. I'm gonna fuck your pussy until you're screaming."

 _Great galaxies, did that really come out of his mouth?_ He wasn't the sort to say such lewd things! Not at all, but...then again, who really cared? She was all his, all--

Vegeta shot up in bed, panting and sweating.

... _What the hell_ , was his first coherent thought as he looked around his environment.

It was his room. Not the infirmary. His room, with the clock nearby glowing insistently that it was 5 AM.

Bulma was nowhere in sight, but there _was_ a certain tape that the horrible old hermit from the island (Vegeta had genuinely _no_ idea why they kept such a useless old man around) gave him as a "welcome to Earth" gift. (He had said this with a wink as though they were on familiar enough ground for such a gesture).

Out of curiosity, Vegeta had watched it last night, only to immediately remove it and toss it aside in disgust--it was _pornography_. It wasn't the first time an older figure had tried to convince him he "needed" to watch such a thing to "loosen up" or whatever--things like that were often bantered about back in the Frieza Force. At least they were until Vegeta threw any officer that felt the need to be _overly familiar_ with him like that into a wall (or five). He had _no_ time for such garbage and it was incredibly inappropriate (almost sexual harassment, really, something strictly discouraged in Frieza's army).

He had certainly never had... _dreams_ in response to these lewd images, though. Perhaps it was because the Earth tape had looked more graphic to him with the similarity to Saiyan anatomy humans had and the...talk they engaged in. (Vegeta didn't know how anyone could say such absurd things like "spank me daddy" with a straight face, let alone take it as something erotic.)

He swallowed thickly against the lump in his throat, tried to brush off the embarrassment he felt, tried...very much...not to acknowledge how...wet he was even disregarding the sweat. He needed a shower.

(He needed to never look the woman in the eye again, how _could_ he?)

Vegeta grabbed the tape as he stomped to the shower, destroying it instantly so he would never have to remember or acknowledge it as an experience he had.

Making things worse, by the time Vegeta had cleaned himself up and made his way to the eating room for breakfast, apparently Bulma had woken up.

Sort of. She was leaning against the counter with a cup of coffee in one hand and a muffin in the other, her eyes hooded with exhaustion. She didn't even look up when he came in, not to smile or say hello, or even ask how he slept like usual.

A relief as he wasn't sure how he could even acknowledge her existence after having a vivid dream about...doing...things to her in the infirmary. Talk about _awkward_.

"Hey," she eventually greeted in a faraway voice, pushing aside one of her curls to faintly smile at him over the top of her mug. "Dad and I are going to be at a corporate meeting today. So if you need any maintenance done, it's going to have to wait, sorry."

An inconvenience, for certain, but he didn't like being too rough on the equipment and wasting time with getting it fixed by the father-daughter duo anyway. It didn't bother him. Usually, he would rile her up on purpose with some coarse comment in response regardless of him not caring, goad her into an argument for his own amusement, instead he nodded and said nothing.

He tried not to notice then how dressed up she was as usual for her meetings with the corporate peons. Her favorite pink blouse, tight black pencil skirt, black heels, and lab coat. Pink shiny lips, light makeup, impeccably curled hair. Though she was unrefined at her base (on purpose, at that!), Bulma Briefs certainly knew how to appear dignified and graceful when she wanted to. It was one of her many faces she presented to others.

(Very much like a...princess, actually.)

Vegeta swallowed against a dry throat, stubbornly studying the grain patterns in the wood instead of keeping his eyes on her. He didn't want to admit she looked...appealing. Especially not after she pranced around his subconscious like she did, what _nerve_.

It was a strange feeling to be angry and wanting to get back at somebody but not having any reason to retaliate against them. He very well couldn't get back at Bulma for being the only passably attractive woman his own age (and of a compatible species) that didn't run in terror at the sight of him. It wasn't _her_ fault the horrible old man gave him pornography as a "housewarming" gift. It wasn't _her_ fault he imagined himself saying such lewd things to her in reference to...privates...and acts done with them.

(Hell, it wasn't even _his_ fault, technically! He couldn't control the things he dreamed about!)

"Wait," he rasped, bringing Bulma to a pause as she was leaving.

"What?" she responded, glancing back at him.

"...Um," Vegeta eloquently mumbled, unsure of what he wanted to say or why. Unsure how his expression appeared as he looked at her. It must have not looked unsettling or anything to that extent as Bulma only tilted her head curiously. "You don't...look hideous today."

She laughed, seeming to wake up at his comment. "Thanks, tough guy, you don't look like such a freak-show today yourself! Hurry up and get some breakfast, though, you're acting weird."

Vegeta grumbled bitterly looking down to hide the flush that bloomed over his cheeks in response. He resented her, resented that she noticed that he was acting off, resented _himself_ for acting off and having disgusting dreams he couldn't control.

He resolved to himself that he was going to add extra notches to the gravity level as punishment (and hopefully to bang his head hard enough to forget _all of that_ ).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if you made it all the way here and realized this was a light parody/humor fic, I thought actually tagging it with wet dream would ruin the surprise. 
> 
> Anyway I hope everyone has a good week! (Also this is only intended for a laugh not to ridicule anybody.
> 
> Also also giving porn to someone without their consent is actually kinda creepy though at least Vegeta will know next time to throw it back in Roshi's face.)


	2. Not An Update

Sorry, I wasn't going to assume whoever did it follows my Twitter (and I don't recommend it) but: this fic got nominated for TPTH's annual fic awards in the humor category! Thanks whoever did that, I appreciate it! (They gave me a nice banner to save as well but uh, I can't save it on my phone or tablet for reasons I don't know and won't fuss with.) Again, this was just a goofy one-off thing done for fun and I didn't expect many people to, like, actually find it very funny but I'm glad people did.


End file.
